My Life’s Transformation

Who says transformation has to be happened in one big bang, big remarkable motion, one time dramatic changing? Well, at least its not true at the case of my life transformation. Looking back to my life 2 years ago, compared to 1 year ago, absolutely was different from my life now. The changes happened gradually, beautifully. And it wasn’t linear, of course. The graph’s form is certainly a mess, unstructured. And I am not saying that my life now is the best I have ever been or I already satisfied with everything I have done, nor I say that my life before wasn’t a life worth living or I was a bad person. what I know for sure is, pandemic really affect my life in most positive ways i could never comprehend. a tragedy, a breakdown, is sometimes all you need in life to be awakened. to break through your limitations and be something bigger. to strive into higher version of yourself.

And what I mean as a life transformation of mine is, slowly trying to be in flow with the life as a whole. There is no ‘my life’ or ‘your life’. Life is a one united highest intelligent force that is inseparable from you and I. it’s all of us. We’re all part of the same life process. And the moment you slowly accept that idea.. the more you will feel less anxiety and worry. Because you know you must be here for a reason, a reason that is greater than your ego. Than you, being rich, or famous, or powerful. Just like an engine that its every parts working together as a whole unit, so as you and I, that is working and flowing as a whole life process, to achieve balance and greater purpose.

One thing I learn most is, I am tired of judging everything: myself, the situations, and others. First, I judge myself by thinking whether my actions are right. Whether what I am thinking is right. Whether I am making the right decisions. But now I have gotten into a point where I question myself, what’s right and what’s wrong? Who set the standards? And why am I so afraid of being wrong? What’s the real consequences here?

Second, I used to be very judgmental about every situations, when the situation didn’t occur as I expected, I resist, I stressed out, I blame. I have so many expectations about how my life has to be, I have certain standards, and they create resistance in my life that’s stopping me from living in present. I constantly thinking about the future and worrying if things go different than I expected. And I realized that its all only in my mind. The worry about situations being wrong stopping me from exploring things and thus seeing the world as black and white.

Lastly, I also judge other people too and it stopped me from being empathy. From being understanding. From seeing things from different points of view, that can elevate my relationship with others as well as with life.

The idea of myself, gaining this perspective and these insights now emerging into my everyday thoughts simply awes me. I imagine if now I still don’t understand, don’t have this understanding about life-unity concept. I would still be miserable, trying to be more, more productive, more clever, more useful.. while in fact the more we resist the present, the more we dreaded to land in the future and be certain that we will be happy in the future somewhere, its never gonna happen. And it makes you suffering more.

Hear me. Give it a try. Forget every standards about success to you. About how much money you should have by the age of 30, how much achievements you have to get, and other society lame standards that prevents you from living your life. Told you, its an illusion. Those standards don’t exist. The only thing exists is karma. What you do, becomes part of you. Nothing right or wrong. How you live is absolutely up to you, its your choice to make. So just live. Be present. Focus on yourself. Don’t stressed out about what others think about you. They don’t give a damn. They only care about themselves. So you should too! Do your work wholeheartedly, not just as a means to an end. Do it with love. Hoping nothing in return. Love people. Love things. Love yourself. Don’t be afraid of failing. You fail, you learn something. You won’t fail forever.

an ordinary girl with curious mind. fall in love with the uncertainty of life. in a beautiful journey of discovering herself.